There are many brilliant things happened in past a few days

There are many brilliant things happened in past a few days.

The 4 harddisks sent by Chris for Tibco servers cannot boot Redhat Enterprise 3. I used all ways of which I could think out and finally found the 2.4.21-4 Linux kernel doesn't support Ultra 320 SCSI Dual Port.
They cound hardly believe it, but I am right.
Chris had reinstalled them by W2K and configured well today. However, I cannot do anything in the whole process because of the fucking TIBCO Rendezvous system.

Chris, the biggest boss, came to Singapore with other two big bosses from London yesterday.
Gerard, Naresh, Lee Ping, Foo chyee and I met them in Fullerton Hotel in yesterday's evening and we ate dinner at IndoChine beside singapore river. It's a wonderful place with wonderful price.
However, I kept quiet from beginning to end because I sucks.

Singapore Linux World 2005 held at Raffle City Convention Centre today. It's a such grand and luxury event exceeding my imagination.
All Linux development companies joined this event, IBM, SUN, Oracle, Novell, Redhat, Resolve..... and I could hardly believe there are so many people who are interested in Linux in Singapore.
I man the booth for Novell due to David told me 3 weeks ago and the salary is 10 bucks/per hour. I ate 3 pieces of cheese cake in the nice buffet lunch!
At the same time, I have not spoken so many words in one day for a long time.
An Too is also there. She is not very pretty but I have to say she is engaging.
I also saw Tanya, but she forgot me.
The one I really want to meet again is Zon, but she is not there and she ought to be very busy.

I just remember I saw a new bloody catching girl in RP on this Monday.
She is in first year. We crossed when I went to meet Cedric in Fenix Park. My god!
However, I don't think I could see her anymore, sux.

Tomorrow has UT of Web Media, unluckily, I missed last 3 lessons!
Wendy sent me 6Ps just now and I should stop to read them now.

Otherwise, I am not happy or hopeful with my life.

Every thing is mess

We didn't go out together in this holiday until this Wednesday.
Sherman, Yewjinn, Jielin, Shaun, Wilfred and I, we met at Bugis at 7pm and went to soul-garden to eat dinner.
It's a great dinner lasting more than 2 hours. I almost throw up, hehe.
It's a long long journey when we was taking trains to go home due to the wrangle between Shaun and Wilfred: Bugis - Redhill - Tampines - CityHall - Woodland - Jurong East - Chinese Garden. We had already tripped the whole Singapore at this night, driving me crazy.

I lost in Thursday's WCG match in school, sux.
That mood is really bad, luckily, I alway can recover quickly.
I also joined WCG at Suntec City last year. it was in August, the last a few days of that semester, I remember clearly. I was utterly confused at those days, even almost didn't eat anything, just kept struggling and dreaming in mind. Unluckily, it was not because of that match and I lost in it fastly because of upset.
Perhaps I would not have that feeling anymore in my life, the game is quite interesting.

We went to Plaza Singapore in the evening at Thursday.
They ate Italy noodle in Parsamania, but I don't have any interest in it. I only ate one cheese cake with a cup of coffee after that at Starbucks in the whole day.

Arrived Refco in the morning today, but the things for me to do are really limited because the two Tibco servers have configured already by Chris in London.
Actually, I cannot manage them well due to they are fucking complex.

There is a big problem facing me now - Gerard asks me to work for him for one more month without going to school and I say it's ok.
The problem is I have had two X in each module and if there are 5, I will retake.
I plan to go school in the morning each day and ask F from teachers, it should be reasonable and I don't care getting C in final grade.
I also feel somewhat regretful that I would not see my friends and many girls in school in next month......

So sleepy now though I slept a lot yesterday. There are many things for me to do but I don't want to do anything, there is a drastic struggle in my mind.

Friends

Talked a lot with Jiang Yu online at yesterday's night. He is one of my best friends in China, we experienced too many things together and I think we would be closed friends in whole life though there is a great distance between us now.
Actually I really have many good friends in China but I don't want to contact them after arriving Singapore, I just remember them in heart and hope to meet them after several years.
I have to admit I am not a good talker. I like listening more than speaking and seldom speak rubbish. Besides, I never try to make friend with the one I dislike or purposely.
I like being straightforward to anyone, saying what I want to say, exposing my weakness and laughing at myself. I think this is why Gerard and Naresh appreciate me.

Stayed in Refco in the whole afternoon and evening today. I was just seating there, playing with computers and my laptop.
Many people looked at me with admiring eyes and praised me, but they would never know how many things I did behind and how much stress I endure.
It should be busy on Friday because we will start connecting the Tibco server. There are more than one thousand PDF pages resources for me to read and I promise they are the most tough things in the world regarding top IT technology which cannot be listened in school forever, and, I will take charge it.
It drives me somewhat excited.

I will have the WCG competition on Thurday, but I have no confidence to defeat everyone in RP now because there is no time for me to train.
Anyhow, I will come.

One week again

I didn't write anything in past one week. It's not because I am busy, I am really busy, but there is still much time. I just didn't know what to write due to everyday was almost the same - staying in refco's server center and solving problems for Gerard.

It's indeed a nice place with a glass wall facing sea and wonderful hardwares inside.
However, I have no mood to enjoy the landscape and the environment, I must take my responsibility and finish my jobs well.
Actually this work is really slack, at most time I am just seating there, reading or drinking tea and coffee, but there is enormous stress in my heart because I must keep studying a lot of things about it and there is huge duty with this job.
I never want to lose face and I never want to disappoint anyone.
Gerard also asked me to read books about futures. I will go to school's library in tomorrow morning.

Other things I did in last week are few.
Met Ruijuan and had a dinner with her in Singapore Plaza.
Yesterday is Lingbo's birthday, I ate too many things in the party and went to toilet many times today.
That's all. That is the difference between a student and a worker. That is why I alway like being a student.

I can see my blog becomes more and more bored.
I feel painful about it but it's totally out of my control because I am aging day by day, my passion is losing day by day, I would be an old man out of new age soon.
It's the most horrible thing I am afraid of.

I was drunk yesterday

There were about 20 people in Abar's birthday party at Pasia Ris's NTUC. Most of them are from RP and I saw their faces many times in RP, but I never talked with some of them before.
We played cards and drank vodka without mixing juice! I am a such bad drinker but I am the one drinking most yesterday because I always lost. Afterwards, I was drunk.
The feeling of drunk is really bad. I threw up many times and my head was stunned though my mind was still clear and calm. Otherwise, My face was such ruddy and ugly like the ass of the monkey.
I felt better till waking up in today's morning and be laughed at by Abar.

Stay at home in the whole day today, eating bread and apple.

I already don't know how to wirte down the things happening in past 2 days.

I almost have had no time and energy to write down the things happening in past 2 days, but I don't want to forever them in future.
Let me be simply.

Yesterday
10:30am - 11:30am
meet Mr. Wong in Resolvo System
Edmund told me they just need someone to deal with documents, but it's not. The guy asked me to involve in their projects about Linux and test their products. I had to send an email to him at night saying I would go back China. Definitely, I won't.

12:00am - 2:00pm
stay in school
I came to school to lent a CCIE book because of BGP of which I read from the document given by Gerard yeaterday.

2:30pm - 5:00pm
stay in Refco
I will start part-time working in Refco formally from next week.

5:30pm
came back to school to get my work-permission

6:30pm - 11:00pm
home, reading

after 11:00pm
go to Lingbo's home, eat and play games with them

Today
wake up at 10:00am

12:00am - 3:00pm
Singapore Exchange
There is a presentation given by Gerard and Naresh at Singapore Exchange's hall. They want to attract more clients due to Refco leased the Global Electronic Trading Centre in it for 3 years.

3:30pm till now
I came back Lingbo's home because I left laptop at here in the morning. Reinstalled my Linux system to SuSe 9.2 because Refco server center are using it.
My duty is clear now. I must configure the router for CME well by BGP and I will in charge the new RTD server for Refco.
I told Gerard I had no experience about it. He says no one has experience about RTD in Singapore, even in Asia.
No body can imagine how strained and nervous I am now.

Abar told me just now tml is his birthday and they have a chalet and BBQ later.
I was considering for quite a moment then decided to go after 8pm.
This is why I am writing blog at this moment.

The most important thing - Besides Lingbo, I don't tell anyone about the project I am doing at present because I have no confidence to achieve.

I am flying too far and too fast out of my competence

It goes on too well out of my imagination

Met Gerard at Refco at Temasek tower at 2:30pm.
They will build a Asia hubs for CME Global Syetem by which 95% American futures are traded. I would be one part of his 5 persons technical team in charge the networking and servers for CME and Refco.
They took me to Singapore Exchange in the evening because they leased a international exchange center there which have 36 big monitors on the wall and more than 100 seats for exchangers, each seat will have two computers and 4 monitors.

I will be one part of them in the core. I should be happy, but I am not, I am such calm now and feel huge stress. It's complicated to explain my feeling, I know I am really not good enough to do it, they overlook me. I think I don't desever this fantasic job.
Gerard also asked me if I could quit school or study in past-time, it's crazy but possible if one day I feel powerful enough.
Tell the truth, I like being a student.

Now, I am staying at Shaun's hourse, watching TV with him.
Something I really don't want to think about those vital things I must do and study at present.
Anyhow, I am going to go out and drink coffee with Shaun.

I just realized my living full of opportunity, but it's still in intense dark and quietness.

Just played two hours CS after I came back from Suntec. I know I should not play at this vital time but I cannot stop and my camping is not good today.

In the afternoon I received a call from Resolvo System, the biggest singapore local open source company. It surprised me.
They asked me to take an interview in their company the day after tomorrow because a month ago, Edmund told me Resolvo needed people helping them to deal with documents and I said I was glad to go.
Anyhow, it would be a good part-time job and I am never afraid of interview.

I saw a meteor again in MRT today!
She should be older than me, sitting towards me in the train.
She is such sexy and her eyes like the queen of Egypt, fascinating me.
I am looking at her, she is looking at her documents.
When the train arrived Cityhall, she was going to take red line and I went to Suntec. I said bye to her seriously in my mind, then she disappeared from my world forever .

I went to Suntec Tower 3 to attend a Singapore Linux Users Meeting in IDA company at 14 floor. I have come here many times becuase Novell is at 32 floor.
There are about 20 people attending this meeting to discuss "Embedded Linux" and Most of them are experts, but I am not. Though I was trying to pretend to be an expert, actually I am a outdoor guy, I came just for knowing more things and meeting more people.
It's really a nice meeting though I don't know if it's useful for me, at least, it's a motivity for me.
David is also there, he is the marketing manager of Novell and he gives me many things every time I meet him. He says he needs 5 workers for Novell's big event at the end of June and the pay is 10 bucks per hour, but it's just two days. I hope I can go.
Otherwise, David is such good at talking and he is a such funny guy in the whole group. I think it's one of the most important reasons by which he became the manager of world's biggest networking software company in Singapore. It's the ability I admire but cannot gain forever.

I planned to go school early today but it's failed due to I woke up at 11 clock. Maybe I could wake up at 6:30 tomorrow, accurately, it's today.

They are my days

Didn't go anywhere and meet any people today.
When I woke up the 11am, continued reading CCNA with ice water, white long bread and music. I find myself more and more like bread and cake, especially cheese cake.
When I feel tired, watch replays of WarCraft and go sleep again. I had registered WCG again, but it's in our school this year. Actually few people knows how good I am at WarCraft, it's different from CS - I am famous in school by CS only because I am lousy at camping. I want to tell other Warcraft participants in our school: "you are going to compete for second prize"!
After washing many clothes which had been stacked for a long time, I started reading those thick books again.
It's my whole day, simply, boring and lonely.

Last friday is last day of a term again.
I felt depressing every last days before because I had too many hopes and dreams in the past.
This time is different. I am surprised with my calmness.
Arrived school at 12am with Shaun, then we went to Yewjinn and Sherman's classroom playing CS together. We 4 went to canteen at 2:15 though the teacher was standing in classroom. I think she was really super angry when we came back after 30 mins. I had to go to library and lent two books.

Abar surprised me when he took me to school's park and opened his car's door after school.
I just noticed it was the firsr time I took a car in Singapore except cabs. The feeling was no bad.
He just drove me go around and sent a pretty girl to home, then we went back to school and played soccer - I am really not a good footballer.

Went to Lingbo's home after that. He just came back from China.
Ate midnight snack and played game with him for the whole night.

I must go sleep now because plan to go school early tomorrow, but I am such hungry!

It starts

I decide to restart my blog tonight because I signed in my friendster just now in which I felt a feeling of which I hadn't felt for a long time.
It's really hard to tell this feeling only by words. It's complicated, it twists me and confuses me, but I like it so much.

There are many things happening in past months in which I feel tremendous stress that I never felt in past 21 years. I will write down them as explicit and honest as I can even you don't believe - I don't care about.

My last memory stays at the days before this new semester. There was a freshmen camp in our school at that time and Yewjinn and I pretended to be new students joining the water bomb after playing netball with Cindy and other people.
There is a super sexy girl in freshmen making Yewjinn and I cannot breathe. He said she would be the next school flower, I said she should pass me first.
In the first two weeks of the new semester, Shuan, Yewjinn, Sherman, Zhengchuan, Jielin, Caiqi, we almost went out and ate after school everyday, but this situation was stopped by my heavy part-time work and the event which could change my whole life.

It began from the CCA launch.
I asked sponsorship from Novell for Open Source IG and david was such generous and gave me a lot of things. At the same time, he asked me to work as a promoter for their SuSe Linux in Fu Nan's Challenger in which I met Gerard!
I talked with Gerard for 10 mins by my lame spoken english and he asked my handphone.
It surprised me that he called me after one week and asked me to see him in their company which occupies the whole 11 floor of Temasek tower.
He introduces the networking system of their company to me and says that his team plans to build Asia's first hubs for Chicago Mercantile Exchange in Singapore, he wants to know what I can do for him!
My god, I never thought I would be involved in such great business and it's totally out of my ability.
Gerard said he asked me because he like me, and the people he needs should be good at Linux/Unix, Cisco Networking Systems and Mircosoft Systems.
I told him I am weak and it's out of my ability, but I will study them quickly. Then I am studying all of them everyday.
I don't think I can really get this job though I am eager to get it, there are 31 applicant who are much more powerful than me. I have no confidence to manage it because it's too big and complex.
Otherwise, no one knows it before today's blog.

Actually, thought is full of my mind everyday, I am thinking and dreaming too many things around me and I know it makes me suffering but I cannot stop it.
At the same time, my thought is dark and complicated, I don't want to and I don't know how to tell or share with friends.

Cannot go on writing today, there are many things waiting me, I think I will have no sleep tonight because I have slept too much at daytime.