I fail to sleep early again

I plan to sleep early and wake up early every day, but I fail every day including today.

Just finished the final Linux week plan at Lingbo's home.
I am surprised it took me so long time though it's not a complex work.
Maybe I am becoming more and more stupid.
I am serious.

Ate with Cindy and Zhengchuan after a meeting at school in the morning, Kadir joined later.
I like listening Kadir's talk so much because he is the best speaker in our school, so style of his spoken way, always making everyone laugh.
It's a pity he can not teach us this semester, though he says we are the best class in our school and he misses us so much, I doubt it.
Today's topic is female psychology, interesting topic, launched by Zhengchuan because he is bothered by his pretty girlfriend, at least in his mind it is.
I kept quiet from the beginning to the end, one reason is I don't like talking too much and prefer listening, another reason is my sucks English makes me can't absolutely understand their talking with such professional knowledge.

Cindy presented me a Christmas card and a bookmark in the afternoon, the only present I received this year.
She scared me again.
I almost forget there is a thing in the world named Christmas card if she did not show it to me today.
What did I lose?
Suddenly, it's as if my memory about that card comes back. I remember I was busy with those cards before Christmas when I was in junior high school, remember it was so pleasant when I received those cards at those times. Unluckily, all of them had gone.
What did I lose?
I don't know. I am so mournful about those I don't know, don't know what I lost.
Maybe I never had before, how come lose? haha
I am playing with words now...............

Well, don't want to write any more despite I have written so long.
I reject to be a writer, which is merely good at writing dreams on papers day by day.

So lazy in recent days

So lazy in recent days.
Every day wake up after 12:00 and sleep afer 3am, but can not remember any special thing I did, every thing happens so suddenly and goes away so quickly as if there is no thing happened in my living, there is no thing for me to write down.
It's all because of my idleness.

Actually, I planed to go school today, unluckily, slept at 6am in the morning.
Read over “Chang An Luan" in 6 hours at night, I alway read so fast and can't stop once start.
If it's not writen by Hanhan, I would not read it.
No feeling about it, just a novel for enjoyment, I will forget it soon.
I know I should read more English text novels, but it's really hard to me.
I imagine If I can keep studying for whole nights, I would be the best, unluckily, I can not.

It's a pleasant thing that received a Email from a pretty girl especially the most pretty facilitator in our school - Cindy - I really thought she was the student from year 2 at the first time I saw her in Amazing Race.
I am surprised and be scared that she told me she read through my blog and say Merry Christmas to me.
There are many secrets in my blog and I am really afraid and dread them known by many people.
I don't want to be penetrated by anyone!
But actually, sometimes I want them to know. Contradiction.

Ye Yi asked me to go back China and help his business, half be joking and half be serious.
I just smiled. I know he need a person whom can be trust absolutely, but I can not.
Probably I lose a very good chance to start a career, but if I go back, I will lose Singapore and the world outside China forever.
There are so many branchs in our life, but there is one, the only one we can experience. How woeful that we don't know what we lose forever, not only career.
The most important thing is I still don't know what I should do and what I can do, for him also for myself.
The most terrible thing for me now is I have to suffer from poverty in a long time. It's really a big problem, forbidding me to do too many things I want.

Well, feeling sleepy again now, it's the habit when stay at home and I hate it so much!
There are too many things out of my control, then the only thing I can do is control myself, but sometimes I even cannot control myself.

^^

One of the reasons that I am so proud of myself is I always keep my words.
I told Yewjinn “I plan to close handphone, disconnect the net and lock me in the room on Christmas”.
And then, I did.

Last week, Angela asked me “Would you feel lonely in school if I do not accompany you?”
I answered with smile “Yes, I will, but I have been used to it and I think it’s not lonely enough.”
She laughed. I don’t know if she realized I was serious.

Depression and suffering have dominated my spirit for a long time, it’s the time to end all of them and renew my mood, my live by tasting the most intense loneliness which I have never perceived before.
No friend, no food, no drink, no light, no music, nothing but silence, darkness, me, and Duras’s despair – it’s not mine.
It’s a Christmas night, my Christmas night of 2004, the night in which all the people are celebrating, reveling and in conviviality except me.
I can not imagine any other thing which is more fatal to me at this time, but I am still calm, patient and comfortable, because I know I have got a renascence, a new me who can deal with any trouble in the world especially her, a girl like a curse in my living – Melissa.
I am so surprise and pleasure that I dare to face, type the name in diary now.

I liked her from the first moment I saw her.
Afterward I was inspired by every encounter, every glance, missed her every hour, every min.
Many friends asked me what the benefits she had that made me possessed. The only answer I could think out is “feeling”, that special feeling, formless, simple beyond compare.
But, I can’t forget that morning, the morning drove me in deep depression and contradiction, the morning would be remembered all my life, even when I have forgotten her face, her name.

All the mistakes are my weakness, stupidity and diseased character, I got enmeshed in a web of my own spinning.
Then, pain, escape and end.

“The most woeful thing in a person’s life is he will not know what he lost for ever.”
The more I want to know, the more vexation I get.
Probably I've never loved, though I thought I loved, never dreamed, though I thought I dreamed, never lost, though I thought I was a loser, never done anything but waited and hesitated outside a closed door alone.

Anyhow, all those things have been not important now.
They elapsed and disappeared so fast, nothing left, nothing, as if they never happened before.
She is still pretty in my mind, but just as pretty as many other girls I encounter everyday.

It’s 6am, 25^th now. The sun is going to rise soon, I have been a new one, a brilliant one.
None my friends is on MSN, all of them must be exhausted by the binge, except me, haha.
I told myself “Next Christmas will be different”, from now on.
I am so proud of myself because I always keep my words.

Well, it's 23:50, December 23th, 2004 now. My fatal Christmas project is going to start. It will give me a renascence, haha.

Busy night drived me excited

Christmas is coming, today is December 23th, so fast.
Every people, every places, every night prepare for that date, celebrating it, happy with it.
But I, dislike all of them.
I don't know why, I unconsciously escape every light, every sound and every smell in relation to Chiristmas.
It's not my day, I am a strange outlier.

Shi Lei was so happy, excited, blest for his present which is prepared for the wonderful dinner at night.
I looked at him with smile, patience, serenity and void, smelling my CK perfume transpiring from his clothing, ice and fire.

Read Duras's piteous "The lover" in the whole afternoon, I don't know is there any other thing I can do at home.
The night became interesting later.

Meet Swee Tat and Kailash at Cityhall's starbucks in the evening, so nice of the ice MK coffee.
Swee Tat just came back from his honeymoon, he is really the core and key of the whole event.
Kailash is the most skillful guy from NTU.
About me, dispensable.
Contacting with sponsors is the primary thing we should achieve as soon as possible.
IBM, Sun, Novell, IDA, Redhat, it seems like a great event, but I am just a small character.
Swee Tat's new handphone attracts me for a long time, Motorola E680, Linux OS. It really suits him.

Went to Lingbo's home after the meeting because there are some problems with Pan Ze's new computer's powerful graphic card, GF6600, I choosed on last Sunday.
I don't know what things I am good at except playing computer.

It's a busy night, I like it. Pressure makes me excited at most times.
Sent Email to Sun and Redhat for sponsorship.
Called Emund and discussed with him on MSN about the detailed plan in RP.
Called QJ and confirmed a meeting in tomorrow morning at school.
I must carry out a completed programs list of RP in tomorrow and send to Swee Tat for requiring support from vendors.
But, all of them are no use for me, I am still a newbie and layman of Linux. It's not my initial motivation and expectation to take charge this event.
I need time to catch up, but I go on wasting it in depression.

Thirsting for reading so much

Planed to go school today, unluckily, woke up at 2pm.
It was a long, lazy and comfortable sleeping, let me restart myself.
Didn't want to go anywhere today, just sitting on the chair peachfully and thinking without any disturbance.

I have to admit that I deliberately make myself busy everyday for not thinking about her, not imagining the scene that she is happy with her boyfriend.
"No thinking, No pain", Is it right?
All my friends laugh at me, they are right, I am a pitiful and sick guy.

Thirsted for reading suddenly in the afternoon, it alway makes me calm, thoughtful and pleased. But actually, I did not read any novel after arriving Singapore and all the novels I read before are chinese.
I wish to read English novels so much now not only for improving my sucks English writen skill.
Spent the whole night on searching english text of Marguerite Duras's The Lover, the most wonderful novel I like, hurting me so much.

Every day flows away so quilkly, there are many things I should do, but I really don't know how to make them.
The contact with Vendors for Linux day gets in impasse, no response from IBM, SUN and Redhat and Swee Tat is in honeymoon.
Must have meeting and discuss with Kailash and Billy.
Sometimes I really doubt if I can manage it well, maybe I am the redundant people and everything could be processed same well or better without me.
I am the worst guy in the team and can not do anything on the technical aspect.
How can I get respect and manage everything well?
It's really not the role I want to play.

Hate my unromantic and lengthy English written skill.
Alike an aboil volcano don't how to break forth, a beautiful butterfly don't how to fly.
Maybe reading is the best way to improve it and it makes me thoughtful and confident.

Must wake up and go school early tomorrow for reading and studying.
But wilfred just told me they would go school too.
My god, I think I would waste the whole time on playing with them.
I need time but I waste too much of it.

Shi Lei is so happy, excited and talky in recent days - man in love.
Best wish to him!
Anyhow, I reject share any his happyness.

So tired to go out everyday, but I am depressed and can not do any thing when stay at home

10:35 pm
Just came back home, so tired.
It seems busy everyday but I really don't know what things I have done. I think I need study and work.
Missed the call from Shangri_La ay yesterday night, maybe I should call back tomorrow.
1:40 am
Just came back home again.
Called back home, had a long phone with Ye Yi, ate with Shi Lei.
Now, don't want to say or do anything.
Bathe and sleep.

The programs at every weekend are same, prosy and uninteresting

Today is the same as the day 8 days ago.
After the bored test in Shangri_La, ate dinner with Yewjinn at burger king. I prefer the spicy double chickren burger in Mcdonald's.
Then watched Ocean's twelve with Huang Hui. An interesting moive, their speaking and living style are ideal for me, but I think I can not make it for ever.
Now, in Lingbo's home again, sitting on his bed again. He is still concentrating on his game. Pan Ze is falling asleep deeply, he had not slept for 24 hours. My track record is 38 hour for playing game, it was a crazy times and had gone with the wind.

Yesterday, ran with zhengchuan in the rainstorm from school to MRT after that training, we were guffawing, it made us soak through.
I like suffering in the rain, feeling rain water wetting my hair, skin and body.

So tired now, don't want to sleep and don't want to do anything.
How do I spend the long night which would be over soon.

She really won the game, even don't me chance to surrender as a loser.

Chaos and Self-control

Muhammad Farhan, my best non-chinese-speaking friend , is the most open and style guy I meet in Singapore.
The first English word he taught me is "scandal". Unluckily, it's still no use for me now.

Yesterday is the birthday of Farhan's girl friend, it make me still faint now.
Swimming, Drinking, smoking, dancing, braying, glaring light, deafening sound and wild crowd, all of them drove me crazy and jumbled.
But I know, it's not my world.

Have not drinked and smoken for a long time.
I don't like them, hate the smell of cigarette in my mouth and on my finger.
But I really enjoy drinking and smoking with best friends.
13 guys and girls stayed in one room at gallory hotel, watching TV, listening music, smoking and drinking wine, beer,champagne by turning 3 goblets one by one.
The ambience is so harmonious and the night is so nice.

I am a bad dancer and drinker, quitted the shindig early and sicked up when I arrived home.
It's really not the life style I want.
Maybe I should not join them or maybe I should change my live attituade.
Anyhow, all the things have been not important now, I would be a new one after this Christmas!

Now, Have to stop to prepare the test in Shangri_La hotel in the afternoon.
It's an attractive part-time job and I don't want to miss it as missing so many much more important things in my life.
It's sucks that I am too good at restraining myself.

Why I am so hungry today, eat 2 sets of chicken rice just now, still can eat

Today is the sencond day of the 3 whole days Linux training in school.
The training is good but really boring, only Zhengchuan accompany me.

I don't know how many things I can learn from the training, but I know clearly that most of the things should be learned all by myself.
I must be able to do much more things than other people because I have been taking charge of the Linux event not only for RP, so many people look at me, no way to escape and don't want to lose face.

Actually, I think Linux is useless for 99% people, they just know it and forget it soon.
About me? really not sure, because I want to stay on the top.

Well, sleep for a while now and wake up at night.

Stupid Caiqi just intended to hurt me by telling me a news heard from her friend, but I had already known it clearly a long time ago. Why I have a friend stupid like this! haha

Two cups of espresso coffee drive me sleepless

So nice of the coffee and dinner in Shangri_La after the training.
"I intended to come here for diet......" so pitiful of Shaun.

I like my singing, but no one like me when I am singing.
"He will be a star" The most wonderful comment I heared from a passerby, haha.

Must wake up early tomorrow but I can not fall asleep now.
If it's only because of the coffee, I would be happy.

How sucks of my English written skill

I don't know why I try to insist on writing this blog in English.
For practising my writing English? Ridiculous.
Just read through what I wrote, it's too common and not the style I expect. It's really difficult for me to express what I am thinking and feeling in English exactly, compactly and elegantly. why I am still insisting on.
Today went to Shangri-La with Yewjinn, Shaun for that training.
It's the first time working in the hotel's restaurant. I can not understand any name of the food on Menu, liking a illiteracy...... So I think it's really interesting and useful for me to learn many things about all kinds of strange food by this chance.
Luckily, there are Yewjinn and Shaun. It would be funny.
The manager of the Garden Terrace asked us a question in the training-"Die for money or die for career, which one you choose?"
Babyhood question. I know the answer he want to get is "Career! Because money can come from career". But my answer is both them are foolish. Money and career are used for enjoying and priding, it's stupid that die for them.
Then what do I die for? "Die for dream"?! It's the story of hero as Alexander but not me. I am only a toy played by god in the world. Maybe only die for myself.
I really do not be afraid of death, the thing I dread is ageing.
After that training, We 3 gadded about Orchard Road.
Every one, Every store, Every light are preparing for Christmas day except me.
"Can I buy a gift and present to myself?"
"Can you present me a Christmas gift and I pay the money."
"You should buy a Christmas gift for her, I can pass it to her if you don't dare to.""Haha. No! The gift she want to receive in Chtistmas is not mine! There already has a guy would present her!"
"I plan to close handphone, disconnect the net and lock my door on 24th. How about you?"
"............."
............
Every thing disappeared so quickly in the night except myself.
Today is Monday again, the second week of the holiday. It would be a busy plan week but I really don't know what I would do.

It's a lazy and enjoyable day

I am so sleepy now because it's lazy and enjoyable today.
Woke up at 12am and sit on lingbo's bed in the whole afternoon.
They were concentrating on their games but I was in a day dream.
Wacthed Blade3 at Tampines Mall with them in the evening, but don't like it, it's too noise.
Just knew the Linux training participants' name list. All of them are from year2 and there is no my classmate. It's not my anticipation and I had told my friends we could go together for fun. Maybe I should do something.
It's really bored for me to work with strangers.

Nice National Treasure, Nice Nicolas Cage, Nice Icecream, Nice game in this night

December 11; 3:50am; Lingbo home; Yin
Like icecream so much, once began to eat, could not stop.
Have not eaten so much icecream for a long time, my pitiful stomach has been feeling uncomfortable, haha.
It's a game night, playing my proud Warcraft with Lingbo, Huang Hui, Pan Zhe.
It's a pity can not meet any game master in Singapore.
So relaxable now that sitting on bed and writing after bath.
Sun will rise soon, the peachful darkness can not stand any more and a fire-new day would come, but I am still the same.

Waken up by a nightmare

Decamber 10; 2:33am; home; rainning
Desperation dominated my dream tonight.
That scene was playing again and again in my dream, driving me crazy and hopeless.
All the things like a glass palace, just one touch, crash to pieces.
My weakness and struggle.
What is she doing now.

It's time to start

A good morning, a delicious burger, a funny interview, a nice cup of ice chololate, a indecent joke, a uncompleted talk, all the things just happened yesterday, but at present, I am sitting in library and listening music lonely.
CM7 let me abandon myself to music deeply, it's the only time I can forget about every thing.
But now, I should get rid of it and continue my work.
I doubt myself more and more.

Stay at home for the whole day, sleeping

It's so sleepy at home, can not concentrate on anything.
There are many things planed to do in holiday, but few of them has done.
The time goes on flowing away, I go on depressing.
Struggle and falling, Is it my life?

Talking with my sis for the whole night, we also have secret that cannot tell

Dec 6; 11:30pm; home; 多云
妹妹是lesbian,认识她19年了，才知道，她也只告诉了我。
“在不伤害别人的前提下，做任何自己想做的事情”，这是我最大的原则。
每个人都是平等的，自由的，有权利选择自己的生活方式，有权利寻找快乐。只要自己高兴，有什么不可以的了呢？还有什么比自由更重要的事情！
从来就不介意和guy做朋友，何况是我的妹妹，一样的爱着她。
可是她不敢告诉家里其他的人。的确是大麻烦，是我我也不敢。老一辈的人能接受的东西太少，困在自己狭隘的思想里面自满，新的时代是属于我们的，他们应该得到只是尊重。
叫妹妹对家里的人保密，毕竟是个人的事情，他们知道了也只有无谓的担心和干预。
想想妹妹从小就像个男孩，哈哈，可惜和她在一起的时间不多，现在才知道。
其实现在麻烦的我。
有什么比想念一个不属于自己的人更痛苦的事情呢，哈哈。
真的是我自己的问题。放弃是因为能给的太少，虽然我有骄傲和荣耀，但现在没有钱，我真的在乎不能给爱的人想要的东西，痛。
这些我也只告诉了妹妹。
她叫我大胆去追，我可以胆大包天地做任何事情，除了这件。恨我自己。
下午和石磊逛bugis, 买了件黑色白条纹的薄毛衣，好喜欢，然后在swensens坐了大半个下午。时间为什么过的这么快，总是把我远远地抛在后面。
本来打算今天把market plan给SUN，哪里还有时间，明天一定要完成。
她在做什么呢？

I like talking and working with the people who are much more powerful than me. They make me excited, inspired and ambitious.

Dec. 6; 1:10am; 晴
今天真是值得纪念，两道白色的光芒穿透遮天蔽日的乌云落在我的身上，让我受宠若惊，心如止水。
昨晚在令波家和他还有黄辉整晚没睡，我静静的做着自己的事情，他们玩着游戏，如此和谐的夜晚就这样一点点被消磨，天亮了，什么都不见了。有几个朋友能静静的在一个房间里呆一晚上，他们真是好。
早上要睡的时候突然收到一条消息，就像是草原上的一根火苗，可能燎原，可能很快就被忘记，我怎么敢想象。
和令波睡在一张小床上，想想我最好的朋友都和我在一张小床上睡过。
今天真是奇怪，睡了三个小时我们就都醒了，又大干了几场warcraft，哈哈。
下午和NTU的kailash, NP的billy还有他们的2个朋友在cityhall meeting，为了明年一月的Linux week。
我真是强，什么都不懂却能跟他们混在一起。
不管怎么样现在已经骑虎难下，负责整个RP的计划，联络其他学校和LUGSYC，follow up SUN Software。 哈哈，好喜欢挑战，但一定要小心，最后收不了场脸就丢大了。太多的东西必须自己学在这个假期，但好有意思。
晚上7点回到家，2天都没回家了。突然想起今天一点东西都没有吃，居然不饿。
不想写了，越写越无聊，不会忘记的东西根本不用写下来，虽然明明什么都没有。
明天想早起，不能让自己和别人失望。

Alexander and a nice night (2)

December 5；2:35am；梦令波家；阴；
今天什么都没做，但时间一样的流逝，不给我面子。
昨天，应该是前天，看得Alexander想想还算趣，亮点不少。震撼的开头和结尾动画，不朽的英雄形象支撑着整部电影。
“用生命去实现梦想”！有几个人能做到。
不朽的Alexander，20岁成王，22岁开始辉煌，打了11年仗，从地中海到印度，没有输过。强权，智慧，魅力的完美结合，他还缺少什么？
可怜的Alexander，手握世界却英年早逝，33岁！他为梦想打造的一切随之崩溃，辉煌的帝国，无尽的财富，至高的权利，还有什么比这更可悲的事情？
我也20岁，我有什么，什么都没有除了我自己，我的梦想？我的生命？
可惜现在是在新加坡，不是罗马巴比伦。
昨天又是barbecue，又是last day of a semester，可惜没有下雨。
一样的chicken wing, 一样的夜晚，什么都没变，历史在轮回，我在衰老。
Aza, Farhan, Arfi坐在半空中弹着guitar，看着A片，香烟的青尘把黑色的夜空染白。
Wilfred, Yewjin, Sherman, Jiangwei玩着老不死的CS，寻找施虐和被虐的快感。
Paul, Dal昏昏欲睡。
而我，在享受孤单和这样美丽的夜晚。“没有思想也就不会有痛苦”，我不敢去想，还有什么能比想一个不属于自己的人更痛苦的事情。
睡醒是在１１点，他们还横七竖八的倒在地上，像一具一具死尸，好笑。
一切就这样结束了，美好的东西总是短暂，一切都结束了，其实我并不快乐。
下午跟shaun蒋伟去面试做工，居然是传销，无趣。
刚才给LUGYC'members发了Email，打电话给Vincent, Kailash, Swee Tat, 确定明天的meeting, 是件麻烦的事情，不过有意思。
现在只穿了条内裤坐在梦令波的家的床上，刚才吃得好饱，哈哈。他们专著这他们的游戏，我没兴趣。

Alexander and a nice night

现在是4号半夜1点55分，JW家，wilfred, Yewjin, Sherman, Farhan, Dal, Arfi, Aza, Paul和我，没有人想睡觉。
放学过后和范瑞娟看了Alexander, 上次一起看电影已经是6个月之前的事情了。时间像是流沙，迅速而安静的流逝。
Alexander的故事比电影本身有趣得多，如果没有那段传奇的历史，电影无趣得很。
突然没有心情再写下去，和他们玩游戏去了，明天继续吧。
好想游泳，如果明天能早起的话，不过怎么可能。。。。。。
inbox (1)

So exciting for restarting my diary, too many things I eager to write down

上一次写东西已经是11个月之前的事情，我还是我，但是地点从成都变成了新加坡。
突然感觉得好奇怪，用英语写东西写了几个月，现在用中文写但心里却想着英语的语法。
还好，并不怀疑自己写的东西，因为从来没有停止过思考。虽然有时候并不想，但无法控制：“寂寞让我如此美丽”。
现在时间是2004年12月3号，11点43分。地点，新加坡，教室。
每天有太多的事情在身边发生，快乐，悲伤，忧郁充实着的每一天，让我无法承受。只需要一个眼神，一场大雨，一杯可乐，就可以让我疯狂。
好想一瞬间写下所有的一切，做不到，又不知道该从什么地方开始。每件事都纠缠不清，有时候连我自己都不知道是该哭还是该笑， 但我从来不哭。
过了今天就是假期了，又是一个月，无聊的假期，带着绝望与希望。有太多的事情要去做，Linux, firework，明年一月我的表演。但要离开让我眷念的学校，总觉得不爽，不光因为带给我无尽快乐的同学，还有永远见不到的人，她应该在别人怀抱里快乐，痛。明明是我放弃，明明痛得无法呼吸每当想到那个早上，但我又算什么。
可笑，我总喜欢玩游戏，于是历史一次又一次重演，最后连投降的机会都没有。
每天总是好忙，时间总是那么短暂，但又不知道做了什么，一天一天就这样被消磨。
放了学先去找范瑞娟。好久没看电影了，一个人去带回的是忧郁，最近看的是王家卫的2046。
之后去JW的家barbecue，几乎全班都会去，又是一个狂欢极乐的夜晚，像绽放在痛苦上的一朵绚烂的花，可惜花总会谢。我能做的只有记住她最美丽样子，害怕忘记。
我真的好骄傲，为说过的话，做过的事情，为身边的朋友，我能做到太多的事情，让所有人惊诧。
昨天加了她的friendster, 不知道为了什么, 难道还不肯放弃. 真的想知道她的感觉, 这又要让我抱憾终生.
"一个人最大的悲哀就是永远都不知道自己失去了什么", 我是这样, 她也是! 可她怎么会知道.
今天是Engineering Science, 我又大摇大摆的班上走来走去, 东拉西扯, 什么都不想做, 也不用, 光环效应, 嘿嘿.
不知道为什么会这么消沉, 沮丧, 失望, 有时候在想我明明应该是最快乐的人.
和现在的同学在一起真是快乐, 一起狂笑, 一起疯狂, 一起堕落! 我真是骄傲.
昨天Engineering Math, Yewjin, shaun 和我几乎让Cindy抓狂，也差点让我抓狂。他俩强烈要求帮我写的情书，却被Cindy拿到，这下Cindy也知道了，惹事。
今天又是一个semester的最后一天，第三个最后一天，哈哈，每次都这样，如何才能跳出宿命的轮回，哈哈，真是恨自己。

This is the beginning. Every thing builds in process.