Thirsting for reading so much

Planed to go school today, unluckily, woke up at 2pm.
It was a long, lazy and comfortable sleeping, let me restart myself.
Didn't want to go anywhere today, just sitting on the chair peachfully and thinking without any disturbance.

I have to admit that I deliberately make myself busy everyday for not thinking about her, not imagining the scene that she is happy with her boyfriend.
"No thinking, No pain", Is it right?
All my friends laugh at me, they are right, I am a pitiful and sick guy.

Thirsted for reading suddenly in the afternoon, it alway makes me calm, thoughtful and pleased. But actually, I did not read any novel after arriving Singapore and all the novels I read before are chinese.
I wish to read English novels so much now not only for improving my sucks English writen skill.
Spent the whole night on searching english text of Marguerite Duras's The Lover, the most wonderful novel I like, hurting me so much.

Every day flows away so quilkly, there are many things I should do, but I really don't know how to make them.
The contact with Vendors for Linux day gets in impasse, no response from IBM, SUN and Redhat and Swee Tat is in honeymoon.
Must have meeting and discuss with Kailash and Billy.
Sometimes I really doubt if I can manage it well, maybe I am the redundant people and everything could be processed same well or better without me.
I am the worst guy in the team and can not do anything on the technical aspect.
How can I get respect and manage everything well?
It's really not the role I want to play.

Hate my unromantic and lengthy English written skill.
Alike an aboil volcano don't how to break forth, a beautiful butterfly don't how to fly.
Maybe reading is the best way to improve it and it makes me thoughtful and confident.

Must wake up and go school early tomorrow for reading and studying.
But wilfred just told me they would go school too.
My god, I think I would waste the whole time on playing with them.
I need time but I waste too much of it.

Shi Lei is so happy, excited and talky in recent days - man in love.
Best wish to him!
Anyhow, I reject share any his happyness.