Yewjinn's Condom Shop

Just ate up half of a watermelon, cannot move now, happy!
Cut the whole watermelon into two piece, then eat by spoon - the nice way I like.

It's a disordered night, I am indeed bothered by moving house - the contract will end in a few days but I have not found a new house.
The night will go on being disordered - today's RJ, Emails, tomorrow's UT.
The only motivation for me to take the UT is getting A because I already got two A and one B+, hehe.
Just called Vincent, Manish and Swee Tat to confirm that meeting, unluckily, after I spoke a long words to Swee Tat in English, he said he could not understand what I said, driving me mad.

Today, angela asks us to form a two person team to carry out a detailed plan of a business we want to start.
Yewjinn and I, the dream team.
Yewjinn says he wants to launch a Condom Shop, I say it's great, and then he is the CEO, I am the director.
I have not done a project as devoted as today for a long time and Yewjinn gives a pretty good presentation.

Now, 12:00pm, the deep night is going to start regardless my sleepy eyes.

The sunshine, the beach, the sea, the girls, the soccer, the game, the night, the singing, the party, the drink, the smoking,the wind, then silence

There is supposed to be many words to portray the camping in Sentosa with Farhan and his friends from Saturday to Sunday.
However, at present, the only thing I can say is it's beautiful and I have been sort of tired of writing.

2:06, Charlie comes in

Tell the truth, I am afraid of watching horror filmes because it would really scare me, however, today is different, totally opposite.
Watched "Hide and Seek " after class. It's indeed a stupid film that I have not seen for a long time, but it's indeed funny to watch with a crowd of unsafe guys - Jieling, Caiqi, Sherman, Wilfred, Zhengchuan, Shaun, Yewjinn and the only natural person - Cindy Chua.
It's idle in the presenting time.
Yewjinn listens music and terrifies a little girl sitting in front of us.
Shuan takes out his laptop.
Wilfred, the one with a nice nick name - sociable asshole, shouts CB loudly when he is scared and all the people around us laugh.
Instead of being a horror movie, the film is more like a comedy in our watching process, making my stomach ache.
Mr. Charlie is such good at hide and seek, therefore, I consider using the name"Charlie" when I am playing CS in next week, haha.
After the film, we sit in Bugis's Food Court and laugh untill the cleaner ask we to leave.
Happy night. But there is not enough time for us to experience nice days together in future because of the end of first year, we will be separated soon. I really feel somewhat sad once thinking it.

I didn't write blog in past 4 days and I almost cannot remember any impressive thing happened in these 4 days now, just feeling time flows away such fast, alway leaving me behind far away.
Besides, I didn't sleep more than 6 hours in any day of this week, Unluckily, I also cannot remember any valuable thing I have done.

Meet Edmund after Cedric's class today which is full of aggressive and mad ambience I like.
Actually, I meet Edmund just for practising spoken English, my super lame spoken English which is laughed at by classmates everyday.
I think it's a tough work for Edmund to be an English teacher- I read news and he corrects my mistakes time and time again.
Anyway, it has great help for me and I really appreciate him.

Planed to hold a LUGSYC meeting for concluding Linux day 2005 and making a future direction this week, but failed, maybe next week.
I know clearly that I don't have enough competence to manage involved people because I don't have powerful technology to gain enough respect.
Technology of Linux is a fatal obstacle for me now. Though I am eager to study and improve, I have to admit that I idle and cannnot stop being in a daze and wasting time everyday.
I am falling.

Came across her many times this week, but there is just a glimpse everytime, only a short glimpse without anything else but it's already impressive enough.
I don't know what I want, I don't know what I wish to happen, I even don't want to think about it anymore, just left puzzle, contradiction and desperation. It's my fatal weakness.
Her name has been a curse by which my friends stun me everyday and the whole thing has been a joke in which I am the most funny clown, playing monodrama in silence.

Well, it has been late. I should stop this and start dear Cedric's RJ now.

Nothing happened today

Just finished today's boring RJ, I have to admit that Enterprise Skill sucks.
I like Angela though she never gives me an A in this semester.
I ask her if she can give me at least one A in the whole semester, she says it's hard.

I have no handphone to use now, horrible.
Since I lost S65 in Malaya 3 month ago, the one I used was borrowed from my friend, but I had to return it yesterday.
One reason that I have not bought a new one is I am poor, the another reason is I am waiting for SF65 which is the most pretty handphone I ever saw.
It's planned to be saled at the end of last year, but I still cannot find it now. I think I cannot wait anymore.
Went Orchard Road after class with Wilfred, Sherman, Shuan and Haidong. I must buy a new one as soon as possible because it's really horrible without a handphone in pocket.
There are just two I like, samsung D500, motorola E1000. Obviously and unluckily, they are too expensive to me.

It's as if nothing happened today, everything goes away quickly and silently, just leaving me staying in the center with void and vapidity.

Well, why there are so many girls wearing green T-shirt today!
Once I think about it, it's headache, fearful headache once I think it.

Fatty Shaun scored today

There is nothing to do except that soccer match in TP organised by Fiya.
The another team is formed by Fiya's senior school's friends, obviously, we lost.
Shaun was so excited for his goal and asked me to write it in blog, so I did, haha.
90 mins running under the burning sunshine exhausted all of us.
So tired but cannot sleep now, must finish reading the document given by Edmund firstly.
Don't want to write anymore.

It's not a good day

There is a blister on my finger thanks to those 10 T-shirts, 4 pants and 9 socks of which I washed all by hands today.
I like my clothes but I never enjoy washing them. Unluckily, they have been stacked for 3 weeks.
Washing machine is the thing I don't use for washing clothes, it would make clothes loose. Though it's really a tough mission everytime, I had been used to use hands.

It's as if everything is not good today, all the things make my disturbed and I feel upset to do them in the whole day including writing the blog at this moment.

My Linux system crashed again.
I know there have many ways to solve those problems, but I alway cannot find them and don't know how to approach them, driving me distraught and despairing.

I was so tired and sleepy yesterday due to the night in Jiangwei's home and the super boring Open house, sleeping from 7pm when I arrived home to 11am in the morning today.

I cooked today, cooking personally for myself.
Beef, potato and cabbage, they are nice.
Few people ate my cooking because I only cook when I am upset, bored and have nothing to do at home.
I think I am not a bad chef. I alway like watching and learning the process of cooking when my father is cooking, however, I even never cooked for him before.

My sis just told me it's snowing for the whole day in Chengdu.
It should be nice.

A nice night and a super boring day

Now, sitting in TN0203 at school with Yewjinn. We are waiting, waiting for what we can do for Open House of RP.
Today is the second of Open House, I didn't thought I would be a helper of it before Yewjinn asked me if I wanted to go at yesterday night, a nice night.

Yewjinn, Jielin, Wilfred, Shaun and me, we stayed at Jiangwei's house over night.
We swam. It's the most nice swimming pool I have been in Sinapore.
It's pity that I started learning swim from I was a little boy but I still cannot swim more than 10 meter away now.
However, I indeed like playing in water.

Crazy night drove me almost could not sleep.

It's super boring now, no one coming in, nothing to do.
Yewjinn and me are just sitting on floor outside TN0203, writing blog.
Now I understand the DA point is really hard to get.

Introducing these biomedical electronic mechine is really a tough job for me because of my lame English - I cannot express myself in english well and yewjinn is too fucking tired to talk - he did not have any sleep at yesterday night.

Impossible mission

It’s terrible, really terrible because kind Cedric asked me to submit RJ, a RJ with one thousand words thanks to I offended him and talked nonsense in class today.
I am thinking about the possibility for achieving this incredible task ever since Cedric finished his lesson and left our classroom with evil smile and satisfaction.
It’s really a great challenge for me though I have to admit I have sort of talent of composition.
However, I like challenge, it would inspirit me and drive me exciting at most times.
At the same time, I always only write for myself, force or order could make me feel disgusted and resistant.
The question of RJ is “What are your after thoughts for today's lesson”. It’s nice. It’s an open topic with great extendibility that I favor, that by which I like evil Cedric so much.
I think I can make it because when I consider this RJ as today’s blog, I am feeling better.
The only difference between them is it is supposed to have much more words than normal blogs I wrote before and it can be predicted that there would be many superfluous words in it.
What I can attempt to do now is just do not make this long long RJ boring and sleepy, at least, not as boring and sleepy as Culture&Aesthetics.

All the things below are my thought and experience after today’s lesson.

The topic of the lesson today is Reality TV.
Unluckily, I seldom, almost never watch TV ever since I arrived Singapore – the most time I watch it is when I am sitting in buses and I think a pretty girl in bus is much more attractive than the TV show and all.
There were only 3 channels I favored and watched when I was in China – Phoenix News Channel, Asia Plus Broadcasting, HBO.
I did not watch them in Singapore though there still is a TV at home because generally it’s hard to find that kind of mood and feeling to watch it, homelike feeling.
Well, about today’s project, it’s stupid, it asks our team to present the harm of Reality TV.
Hegel says “One can only reason about the existence of an object that one already assumes to exist”.
As my see, for us, there is no meaning to argue Reality TV is good or bad because it has existed there and we cannot change any thing except making noises.
Actually, I prepared some good resources for our presentation but I almost said nothing, did not want to say any thing about it because my team members had said enough words though most of them are rubbish, this why sometimes I think I could do projects much better rather than teamwork. Unluckily, I am lazy to do at most times.
Besides, My super lame spoken English has generated a shadow covering me, making me be afraid of talking.

I am supposed to be sad and nervous now for we were caught by a director of RP by reason of gambling in classroom.
We didn’t confess it, surely we should not confess it, we told the security who recorded our names and IDs that we were just playing magic at that time, but we were gambling and all.
There are 8 gamesters experiencing this disaster, all of them except me are from TN0408 which is beside my classroom, TN0406.
Anjune and Jianming are the only two guys whom I know their names, actually, I see all of them almost everyday but I really cannot remember their names - I am always not good at remembering other ones’ names.
Tell the truth, I have not played Black Jack for a long time and I can not reject the tropical invitation from TN0408 when I am passing by it after class today.
I was exciting and mad when I got a Black Jack, a real Black Jack with Jack A and Jack 10, and the rough luck approached me at the same time in silence – the director coming in.
But instead of being dismayed I watched this process with the same sort of interest I might have taken in watching a comedy. And I know I am right, I cannot change things which have happened, what I can do is just enjoy it.

You see, I have been crazy that I treat this terrible thing as enjoyment. There is almost nothing can stun me now, nothing but one, the one still haunts me.

Today is the third day of Valentine Day. It sucks.
Some stupid zealots make a songs indication activity outside canteen, outside our classroom.
The further stupid thing is they come to classroom and ask if someone want to indicate any song.
The whole class are boiling and I am driven mad extremely – They draught me and indicate a song by my name regardless my rage.
I don’t want to write anything about it any more, I have written it enough in my former blogs. I even don’t know what I am thinking now.
Everyone blames me, everyone laughs at me, it’s my deserving thing, I also laugh at myself, I feel so ashamed.
I think I have had mental shadow.

Playing soccer with Alfi, Shaun and the guys from TN0408 from 5pm to 7pm, exhausting me.
The feeling that running freely in burning sunshine with all my strength without any fetter is wonderful.
Besides, I like the six masses of muscle on my bingy, I appreciate them though I know they will become one loose chunk sooner or later because of the horrible aging.
I am afraid of aging much more than death.

There is the Open House in school tomorrow.
I was eager to take part in it before, but now, don’t want, it has no value for me except the CE points which can be gained by other more valuable ways.
But I will go school, not for Open House, I want to go school library for studying, for Linux due to I do not mood to do anything at home.

It’s splendid, really splendid that I have written one thousand words in today’s RJ, I know I can, I have achieved Cedric’s psychopathic require.
I told Cedric I would try to make it but I did not think he had patience to read, he said he would.
So, dear Cedric, if you can get to this part by insisting boring and sleepy reading, thank you! And if you could give me a good daily grade considering this terrible RJ which has worn me out, I would thank you with all my life!

Regards
Gao Jin

I am ashamed of myself

Now, eating french fries and icecream with Shaun, Yewjinn, Wilfred, Sherman and Jieling at Dobby Gaunt Mcdonalds. I alway enjoy icecream, the more the better.
Just watched Constantine with them. It's a nice moive about demon. I indeed like the angel with a pair of black wings.

God and Demon, a endless topic.
No one can give a final answer about it, even no one can give a solid evidence of their existence, this is why there are countless people that can follow and indulge in God in several thousand years.
For me, I believe their existence, but I never trust them, they are playing people as toy.
On the other hand, I think the reality about God and Demon had been distorted by many stupid preachers as their own minds in the long history.

I have decided not to play CS in school for 2 week.
I think I have already acumulated enough hostility pointing me by camping to die and I am really tired of it now because I am not interesting in it initially.
There is a bad trendence generated by me now- more and more persons favor camp and the team of which I belong to is alway the defence team.
Besides, I really don't want to other people know I am the Camper.

There are many meteors in our lives, they are momentary and cannot be touched, therefore they are beautiful and memorable.
Like the girl I saw the day before yesterday at MRT, the most pretty girl I ever saw in Singapore. She is sitting towards me, I am looking at her, maybe she knows I am looking at her, but I only dare to look at her without any expression, then, I stand up and get off the train and won't see her again in future.
The meteor disappeared just left uncompleted memory.
I am alway such untruthful and hypocritical, alway.

It's not the date belonging to me

It's funny today, pretty funny because of Engineering Science, because of Caleb, because of the CS which I was playing for the whole day.

[O.M.S.]Camper, a shadow haunts in every player's mind, tormenting them.
I like seeing enemy falling down in front of me without any forecast and resistance, actually, I do it very well by camp, camp and camp.
No one can avoid death easily from my gun which is hiden is deep darkness.
I know they are irritated, they are damning me, they are cursing me, but I am delighted.
It's hard to make people happy and it's also hard to make them disturbed. I think my name has already been marked in every player's mind impressively.
Luckily, they don't know who I am except my friends.
"If you cannot be the best, at least, you are supposed to be special".
I have had followers, haha.

No one cares about Caleb in class though it seems like he has tried his best to adapt to us.
"Shut up la", it's the direct answer from aggressive Caiqi.
Perhaps Caleb has been used to me playing CS in his class but just gives me B everytime.

2:35am, just came back home with Shi Lei.
He is supposed to be the saddest guy today, much more than me.
I cannot amount how many girl friends he had before due to he is such sociable and sort of handsome, but today, he fell.
He tells me what he saw tonight, I am just listening quietly. I don't know how to comfort him because I am never good at it and I don't think there are something existing which can let him feel better now.

I should stop writing now because tomorrow has UT, Engineering Design.
Just asked Jielin to send me all the powerpoints but I have not seen them.
Luckily, the A I got in UT is more than I got in daily grade.

Besides, I am ashamed of myself.

Do not have mood to write or do anything in recent days, so lazy. I know what I should do, but cannot stop wasting time everyday, I need inspiration.

I dreamed last night

I dreamed thousands of dreams before but most of them have already been forgotten though I want to remember.
The dreams at yesterday night are impressive.

First dream - In a forest, outside a log cabin, I am a stranger knocking at the door with great courage.
There are 3 girls and a boy inside. The boy's name is Frank, it's the first time I meet a guy named Frank.
They are preparing dinner with smile in a harmanious ambience.
I ask if I can eat with them, they are delighted.
Fish, potato, lotus root.
When I wanna help them cook these food, I awake and everything is over except the darkness.

Second dream - In a forest again, a hill, beside a calm river full of green water, I am fishing with my father.
There are many fishes in the river. I am surprised that once I throw the barb into water, the fish would swalllow the bait quickly.
It makes me cheerful due to I get a very big one, it's a long time to draw it out of the water, I am yelling.

I have no strength to go anywhere today, staying at home for the whole day and did nothing. It's such lazy.
Just ate some fruit and I am really hungry now, but don't wanna go out to find food.
Sleeping too much at the daytime makes me non-sleepy now.
Want to read "The Catcher In the Rye" tonight. I just started several pages and it's slow and somewhat difficult to read because I have to frequently check many words I cannot understand by dictionary.
I prefer reading paper-book rather than reading on computer, but it's indeed expensive to buy in Singapore.
Besides, I cannot find Duras's "The lover" in any bookstore.

somewhat depressed today

I was somewhat depressed today when I woke up in the morning.
Today is chinese new year. Every my friend seems like be happy, but I am not, I don't have any feeling about the new year, I even never miss my family.
There is only myself, I only want to stay with myself.

Before last Christmas, I remember impressively, Kailash told me that festival is just an excuse for party and celebration. I did not agree with him, but I could not find a reason to disprove.
I tell him my feeling in the morning by MSN and ask him what he plan to do today.
He says he just want to catch up on studies missed due to Linux day and he tells me don't worry about what I cannot have and be happy with what I have and do something that engage my mind like even computer games.
I think he is right, but I don't want to play games anymore, so go Tampines to meet Lingbo.

They were playing Mah-jong at home and asked me to join, I said I don't know how to play though I started playing it from I was a little boy - I like playing any kind of gamblings except Mah-jong. I don't know why it alway makes me feel disgusted.

Ate dinner with Lingbo and his friends at Geylang later.
It's a nice restaurant operated by the people from China with original chinese taste.
I am surprised that Lingbo has so many friends all from China, comparatively, the guys from China I am familiar with are no more than 5 - Shilei, Lingbo, Ruijuan, Jiangwei, Haidong.
Tell the truth, I don't like having dinner with so many people at this day though they are good and friendly guys, it's noisy.

The restaurant is near the famous red-light district, there is no reason to go home directly after the dinner, hehe.
We strolled from lane 10 to lane 14, watching the amazing view.
There are many prostitutes waiting beside the road, for their survival.
I saw one, only one, with excellent figure and angel face. She makes me feel woeful - why such a pretty girl would earn her living by being a prostitutes. If I meet her on road outside Geylang, maybe I would be moved though I never have the courage to accost, never.
Tell the truth, I dislike prostitute, but I do respect them - someone earn their livings by two hands, someone earn their livings by brain, they just earn their livings by body. Otherwise, if there is no need, they would not exist, they just satisfy the desire of human. It's the falsity of human natual. Right or wrong, I really do not like them.
Honestly and directly, I never touch them before, but I cannot promise I won't touch them forever because I also have desire.

I don't want to go on celebrating this new year any more with Lingbo at this night, it's not special for me now, I have treated it as common as everyday.
Kailash is much more powerful than me, there really are a lot of things I should learn from him.

somewhat excited today

Home - Raffles - Home - CityHall - Orchard - Queensway, IKEA - Home
It's tired but be somewhat excited now though I don't know what I excite for.

My nice shoes was broken when I touched the soccer ball first time at Singapore many months ago - I intended to make a pretty kick at that moment, unluckily, I failed.
Though it's broken, I still like it and wear it almost everyday as if it's one part of my body, but it's really old enough now and everything has a deadline I think.
Strolled the whole Orchard Road with Lingbo last Saturday but I could not find any shoes I am pleased with.
Today, meet Yewjinn and Jieling at Orchard then went to Queensway. Wilfred came later.
I forget how many times we go around in Queensway, but I just buy a white pants.
IKEA's furniture are so nice - It's somewhat upset that I don't know when I can set a home all by myself.

Woke up at 9:30am and went to Raffles to meet two guys from NP to take CDs from RedHat's office of which I like.
Today is NP's Linux day.
RedHat is rich and generous. They sponsor TP and NP more than 400 sets Redhat Desktop and each set is about 150 US dollar! But the price is just the marketing value, it worths the money for whom understanding it and it has no value to the one who even do not what inside the box.
Meet Tanya first time when I went to her office with Swee Tat for picking up CDs for TP last week. she is somewhat sexy but not pretty, I could hardly imagine she is working in Redhat if I meet her on road.
I think I gave a bad and weak impression to Zon, never see her again after first meeting.
Tell the truth, I am a small role in the whole thing, they have no reason to care about me.

I am really somewhat excited today.
Besides, I say hi, but, it's dim and weak, vanishing in darkness.

Never say goodbye when you still want to try

It's hard to pick up the thing you had tried to hide and give up though it never dissipate at all with time and suffering in deep spirit. For example, this blog.
I did not write any word in past week because I was tired to write same things with same moods day by day. But I failed to find a new way to present my living because same things and same moods are rotating and repeating again and again, it's my living.
The are too many things around me that I cannot control or do well, what I can do is just to be more honest, more direct and more self-aware. It will be the way of my blog, it's the only thing I can find in last whole week, it should be my principle to deal with everything.

I like the feeling at present - writing the things I wanna write slowly and elaborately, listening music with my fascinating CM7, no one forces me, nothing hurries me, everything is calm and silent except my thought, I just do the thing I like for myself. It's the beginning of night.

I decided not to write blog by time-line any more, it's boring and monotone. Besides, I like the stream-of-consciousness fiction.

Yesterday is Zhengchuan's birthday and there is a great party at Chinatown. Unluckily, I absent.
Wilfred and Caipi blame me do not have heart, but I really have and I really feel sorry to Zhengchuan.
Actually, I went Zouk with Farhan. I know birthday is much more important than clubing, but I promised Farhan a long time ago and he had registered my name on Zouk's website.
Besides, Farhan will stop studying and join army after this semester, there just one month left!
How fast of the time flowing! I have already arrived Singapore for 10 months and the first year will end soon. I would not stay with nowaday friends after 1 month and I could hardly see Farhan anymore. Sad!
Otherwise, I also feel regretful for missing Zhengchuan's brithday-cake which is a wonderful food I like best! But it's pity that a nice brithday-cake is alway expensive.
Sorry, Zhengchuan......Happy birthday to you!

I like playing soccer, but I am not a good player and dislike watching soccer match.
Planed to go and play with Yewjinn again in today's morning, but I missed again though I indeed want to play.

Well, talk about her.
Honestly and directly, I have to admit I still miss and think about her everyday though I never comfessed to friends.
It's hurt, it really hurts to like someone and not be liked in return,but what is the most painful is to like someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel.
I tried to give up and forget, but cannot make it, if someone can teach and let me get rid of it, I would appreciate him all my life and he could be a god.
She almost signs in MSN everyday when she is in school, but I never talk to her in school, never even once. I don't know what should I say, what should I talk, my weakness and hesitation have pushed it into an embarrassed situation.
I wanna give a smile when I encounter her every time, but stupid I escape every time though I even cannot think out a reason for me to escape.
Besides, I hate my lame spoken English.
Well, finally, I have to face myself, face the truth, face her.
The words shocks me - "Never say goodbye when you still want to try, never give up when you still feel you can take it, never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go."

I really wanna keep myself indoor in next week for reading and studying Linux though I know it would drive me mad and it would be impossible for me.
"Attitude is no substitute for competence" - Eric Steven Raymond.
This word likes a sharp sword hanging above my head.

-2:45am 7th