Never say goodbye when you still want to try

It's hard to pick up the thing you had tried to hide and give up though it never dissipate at all with time and suffering in deep spirit. For example, this blog.
I did not write any word in past week because I was tired to write same things with same moods day by day. But I failed to find a new way to present my living because same things and same moods are rotating and repeating again and again, it's my living.
The are too many things around me that I cannot control or do well, what I can do is just to be more honest, more direct and more self-aware. It will be the way of my blog, it's the only thing I can find in last whole week, it should be my principle to deal with everything.

I like the feeling at present - writing the things I wanna write slowly and elaborately, listening music with my fascinating CM7, no one forces me, nothing hurries me, everything is calm and silent except my thought, I just do the thing I like for myself. It's the beginning of night.

I decided not to write blog by time-line any more, it's boring and monotone. Besides, I like the stream-of-consciousness fiction.

Yesterday is Zhengchuan's birthday and there is a great party at Chinatown. Unluckily, I absent.
Wilfred and Caipi blame me do not have heart, but I really have and I really feel sorry to Zhengchuan.
Actually, I went Zouk with Farhan. I know birthday is much more important than clubing, but I promised Farhan a long time ago and he had registered my name on Zouk's website.
Besides, Farhan will stop studying and join army after this semester, there just one month left!
How fast of the time flowing! I have already arrived Singapore for 10 months and the first year will end soon. I would not stay with nowaday friends after 1 month and I could hardly see Farhan anymore. Sad!
Otherwise, I also feel regretful for missing Zhengchuan's brithday-cake which is a wonderful food I like best! But it's pity that a nice brithday-cake is alway expensive.
Sorry, Zhengchuan......Happy birthday to you!

I like playing soccer, but I am not a good player and dislike watching soccer match.
Planed to go and play with Yewjinn again in today's morning, but I missed again though I indeed want to play.

Well, talk about her.
Honestly and directly, I have to admit I still miss and think about her everyday though I never comfessed to friends.
It's hurt, it really hurts to like someone and not be liked in return,but what is the most painful is to like someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel.
I tried to give up and forget, but cannot make it, if someone can teach and let me get rid of it, I would appreciate him all my life and he could be a god.
She almost signs in MSN everyday when she is in school, but I never talk to her in school, never even once. I don't know what should I say, what should I talk, my weakness and hesitation have pushed it into an embarrassed situation.
I wanna give a smile when I encounter her every time, but stupid I escape every time though I even cannot think out a reason for me to escape.
Besides, I hate my lame spoken English.
Well, finally, I have to face myself, face the truth, face her.
The words shocks me - "Never say goodbye when you still want to try, never give up when you still feel you can take it, never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go."

I really wanna keep myself indoor in next week for reading and studying Linux though I know it would drive me mad and it would be impossible for me.
"Attitude is no substitute for competence" - Eric Steven Raymond.
This word likes a sharp sword hanging above my head.

-2:45am 7th