School's toilet pipe burst!

When I am standing in mass books in Borders, I feel I am such tiny in the world. That feeling is strange.
I came to Borders for buying some books about futures due to Gerard asked me to learn it and Lee Ping taught me how to trade the day before yesterday.
Suddenly, there is a new aspiration generating in my brain: I want to be a good trader after I become an outstanding IT guy! And I am indeed lucky because I already have wonderful environment and precondition.
It makes me excited once I think about it. Futures is really an interesting and dangerous game.
However, these books in Borders are fucking expensive and I didn't buy any today.
At the same time, I tried to find Duras's "The Lover" but failed. I want to buy it no matter how much it is.

I locked myself in house for the whole day yesterday!
It's true but few people can believe it.
I forgot the keys in my room and I could neither enter my room nor go out the house.
The hell is my handphone has no battery at this time! I cannot contract outside at all!
Afterward, I had to watch TV for 11am to 8pm, so slack.

Went to school in the morning and ate breakfast with Sherman, Zhengchuan, Shuan and Yewjinn. We are good and funny friends though the time I stay in school is little at present.
I also told them Refco needs two people to work in GETC at this weekend, 9 bucks per hour and 8 hours each day, nice price.

Just read email and knew school's main toilet pipe burst, haha, it must be noisy and funny in school now.

Seriously, I like dreaming because it makes me taste many feelings of which I cannot get from real and fade life.

I dreamed a lot at yesterday night.

I dreamed some things which happened before. It's as if they happen again.
I dreamed my father. He becomes older and older with the time, and me too.
I dreamed I can fly in sky freely. That feeling of freedom is wounderful.
I dreamed I am a top killer in a fantastic world and be pursuited by many other killers, they want to kill me. It's truly desperate.
I dreamed I am walking with a kid in a shopping mall, he is interested in those playstations like me.

When I wake up, the sound of rain is loudly outside. It's sweet at this moment.
I am listening it on bed and thinking about all the things I dreamed just now. They are bloody lively.
Afterward, the alarm clock rings.

My mood is bloody heavy now, I don't know why, though everything seems going on well.

I said I am alway a lucky guy

It's so lucky!
I saw a wonderful shoes which cost 179 bucks in Timberland for several months and finally made determination to buy it today.
When I enter the store, I find the shoes is only 89 bucks now because of promotion!
It's so happy and the total spending is just 150 bucks including one shoes, one pants and two pairs of socks.
While I pass by SK jewellery shop on the way home, suddenly a pair of nice earring attracts me and I buy it immediately because I lost two earrings two month ago and didn't have any more to wear.

Shopping indeed makes me have good mood and be hotheaded.
A beggar asked me for 2 bucks on my way home and I actually gave him 4 bucks kindly!

Met Farhan and Shidah at Orchard MRT in the evening.
Time goes away so fast. The last time I meet them is before Farhan join army. It's as if there are just a few days ago.
There is no change on Farhan except his short hair and it really took me quite a while to identify him from crowd.

We ate dinner at Burger King and went to cinema later.
I haven't watched movie for a long time because of the fucking work and they bought tickets of "Necronancer" which is produced by Thailand.
It sucks!
Stupid moive, stupid people, stupid country.
I don't mind to tell any one I dislike any thing about "Thai", it's my personal bias.

"Lovin' you"

This song is nice.
It's such fair and affecting. Unluckily, it's not suitable for me. But I like it, because it hurts me, I always like this feeling of being hurt and enjoy it.

There was an UT in the morning, web multimedia.
I missed most lessons in this semester and didn't see any powerpoint before I got these test papers without laptop taken to school.
I found it's much easier to choose 3 anwsers from 4 selections than choose 1 from 4, so I did it and wrote "e" on last question.
Teachers will be scared due to none student would get 0 mark in a completed UT before, hehe.

Met Cedric after that fucking UT outside.
He is the first one knows I will quit school and I am going to meet Jeanette in tomorrow morning at 9am.
It's sad that I will not belong to RP soon.

Gerard told me he wishes our IT technical level is as same as London side. Definitely, it's my duty.
Routers, switchs, firewalls, VPNs, servers, actually London's people would configure most of them by remote system, but I must understand all of them and ensure them working well.
It has big responsibility because it's global trading involving enormous money.

A girl scared me the day before yesterday.
It's inappropriate to describe her by fucking ugly, it's bloody freaky.
Obviously, I really have no bias on any kind of people at all, but she indeed scared me when she stood beside me in MRT and it's still impressive now, sux.

Stayed at Shaun's home again yesterday due to 5 of us ate dinner at Plaza Sin again in the evening.
The strawberry Hagendaz is such nice at midnight!

Rain is in my heart

The rain is such big now, I even cannot see any outside thing from the glass wall in Temasek tower 11th.
Everything is covered by white water and thick fog outside, but it's bright and peaceful in the room.
I am watching at sea beyond and feel such comfortable at this moment. Perhaps it's the reason by which I like this job and come here everyday.

I didn't go out yesterday, it's sunday, and it's indeed boring to stay at home.
There are many books I should read, but I didn't, I didn't want to do anything, I was just playing games and looking website for the whole day.
That feeling sucks, but I couldn't stop it.

A girl sent me a message abruptly two weeks ago. She says she is my cousin's cousin and she just came to Singapore for two months.
I met her on last Saturday because I am really curious about her.
Tell the truth, She is not pretty but she is quite smart and interesting. I think we would be good friends.

It's such stressful in recently.

Just woke up due to watch a series comedy on my laptop from yeaterday's night to today's morning alone.
There is no reason for me to stop watching such brilliant comedy which makes me thoughtful.

However, It bothers me now because I have to wash my clothes today which have been stacked for two weeks.
I admit my sloth and I think it will always accompany me.

The rain was big at noon yesterday, but I still walked in it from school to MRT because I like that feeling, I like feeling the rain wetting my hair.
My everyday schedule is strange now - walk up at 7am to go school, leave school at noon to go to work, arrive home around 10pm.
I still want to find balance between study and work at present though I have planned to quit school - It's not only for money. Money is important for me, but it isn't the main consideration though I indeed can earn a lot.
What I see is prospect!
However, it never be an ease work.

Went to Orchard road with Cindy, Shaun, Yewjinn, Sherman, Jielin on this Wednesday.
Didn't see Cindy for a long time and I still remember I thought she is a student when I saw her first time.

Two months ago, I was considering how to keep studying in university and I never thought I would plan to quit school after two months.
The life is really changeful and fantastic. Maybe there will be an another vision after two more months, I believe it and wait for all surprises.

I endure heaven's hope and hell's suffering at the same time

Just called my father and mother.
I told them I am fine at present, they said they are also fine and asked me to take care of myself, I said ok, then there is no more thing to say.
The communication between my parents and me is not good from I was very young.
Actully to say, it's very bad. They alway want to control me and educate me by their ways, but I strongly disagree, I believe I am supposed to have my own life which is formed by myself. So, I came to Singapore.
I even didn't tell them I got a contract from Gerard and plan to quit school to open a new and grand world.
I think it's old enough for me to take responsibility for all things I do whether they succeed or fail.

I have forgotten the last time I wrote RJ.
One reason is I alway hate it, another reason is I haven't attended a class for a whole day for a long time.
Only C+ are gotten in my Web Media and Database UT though I thought they should be good. I even missed the OS UT in today's morning, sux.

It's hard to depict the feeling and the living I am taking now. No one can feel and understand it.
There are many things I lost and will lose making me cry, there also are many thing making me remember forever.
Obviously, I am standing at the top of a fucking dangerous wave, playing it.
Anyhow, I nerver regret what I did and appreciate all of them.

Black Angel

The UT of Java will start after 30mins. I just read through all 6-Presentations and quiz answers of last 3 lessons of which I missed.
It's incredible that I woke up at 5 am today and arrived sch00l at 7:15! I never came school so early just for study - I am alway lazy and waking up is really a kind of suffering for me.

I saw a black angel yesterday!
She is an indian girl, the most pretty indian girl I ever saw.
I was looking at her. Her figure, her action and her smile, all of them are different from normal girls. I even cannot find any defect on her, she is perfect. I was amazed that there is a such beautiful creature in the world.
I had forgotten all the people around me at that moment, I felt I loved her.
However, she didn't know this, and she wouldn't know this forever. It's the fucking curse of my whole life.

Went to IBM to attend the SuSe linux meeting at its testing centre in yesterday's evening. The machines in it like monsters.
The meeting is just ok, but its dinner is no bad.

Milestone

Washed all my underwears and ate half of watermelon just now, such slack at this moment.

Stayed at sherman's home on last Saturday and Sunday with Zhengchuan, Shuan and Yewjinn because Sherman's parents went to Malay.
It's bloody funny and there are many things I want to write down.
We never slept in the night, playing CS, watching TV, going out to eat at 3am, watching Moives, fighting and laughing.
It's indeed terrible that there are 5 lonely guys lying in one room!
They bought drein and forced me to eat! I really cannot understand why there are so many people liking eating this fucking shit. They even put it under my nose when I was sleeping, making me throw up.
Watched a super moving performed by Liang Jiahui and Wu Qianlian in the deep night. There is a word marking in my mind deeply: 在我生日那天我许了个愿，我希望你能亲手送我你种的玫瑰花，现在我的愿望达成了，可惜花已经谢了。。。。。。

Gerard called me suddenly on last Saturday and asked me to see him. So we met at Parkway Shopping Centre's Starbucks in the afternoon.
He tells me Chris also likes me and he could offer me a permanent job if I like. My god! It's a dream and the motivation for me when I started working for Gerard, but I achieve it now! only 3 weeks!
No one can notice how special of the position I am staying at, No one can notice how great of the work I am doing, No one can notice how brilliant of the prospect it is, and how lucky, how outstanding I am.
But I am still such calm, I don't want to tell any people about it including my parents and I don't know why there is no excitation or happy in my heart.

Gerard also told me many incredible stories about his life, from 17 years ago to now 34.
I cannot believe he is a such devout and great Buddhist though he borns in London and worked in Chicago for 17 years beginning with his American Dream.

Now, 00:30am, 5th, July.
There is a DataBase UT in the early of tomorrow morning but I haven't started reviewing it though I want to get A!
Sincerely, I like school, I like being a student, I like watching pretty girls in school everyday but I don't know how long time I could be like this.
This is the most important reason causing me hesitant with my situation and the milestone in my life now.

What do I have?

Just signed in my friendster and saw the nice testimonial given by Alfi. He surprised me and he is such kind.

I didn't tell any of my friends about the details of work I am doing now.
Actully, I get many people's admiration and respect when I am working in Refco, however, I do not feel any delight with those praise, they are useless, they would make me misunderstand myself and I am still unhappy in my life.
Sometime I think I have nothing, I definitely have nothing after arriving home.

It's weekend again.
The time elapses quickly, everything pasts quickly, and I forget them quickly, as there is nothing happened before.
I missed too many people and too many things though I got many of them at the same.
I believe life likes doors. While one door closed, one door is going to open, but you will never know what behind those closed doors.
It makes me sad, especially when I see the people only existing in my memory, the deepest memory.

I didn't wear the shirt I like best for a long time. It's brilliant but it doesn't suit to wear in school because it makes me different from my friends.
But today is different.
Naresh told me I should look like good today because Chris would give a grand talk to many people in Singapore Exchange's conference center to promote the Globe Electronical Trade Center.
We have been the first one in Asia to directly connect to CME hubs yesterday. It's the target Gerard wanted to achieve when we met at Refco's office first time.
Chris will go back UK in tomorrow morning, he is an excellent man.

I am such tired now but do not want to sleep.
Tell the truth, sleep is really a wonderful time for me and sometime I would be woke up by laughing.
I was woke up again at yesterday's night because I dreamed a guy was telling me super funny jokes, unluckily, I could not remember anymore.
Last time I dreamed all my chinese and singapore friends studying in one classroom. It's terrible that all kinds of jokers gather together. I could not stop laughing by the things they were doing and woke up from dream.
However, I am alway keeping dark mood in real life.

What real things I have?