I need reading and study to engage my life.

My life shortened one more week again since the last time I wrote this blog.
I treasure my life especially the golden time at present due to I have the best body and energy comparing with ten years bebore and ten years after.
Tell the truth, I am afraid of aging much more than death.
However,there are too many things around me that are out of my control. Sometime I feel weak, boring, depressing, void, sad, puzzle, scared about life and I cannot find and follow a way to engage and inspire it.
It drives me mad.

I didn't have any mood to write in the past week and there seems like many things happened, but the thing I want to say now is the things happened around me are useless!
I have to admit that most of them are good memory in my life and I never regret to do them, I appreciate them, but, they are useless.
They do not have any help and value for my future, for my dream, I am still weak after doing and experiencing all of them.

I don't have a good brain to memory. The things happened a few days ago have been piece and piece.
The things marked in my mind are just some solid images like Cindy's cheese cake, Farhan's ice blended mango, a nice night with Yewjinn and Cindy, boring day at home, my watermelon and apple, a long and funny talk with Shaun and Wilfred at woodland, the Addias promotion at export, Suntec City.
It really bores me to review.

It's was such coincident to came across Farhan and Shidah on my way home in train at 10pm at last week.
Then we drank coffee, smoked Shisha and played Scrabble with his friends in a remote lane at bugis.
It was the first time I smoked Shisha. It made me stun and sick - My body alway feels uncomfortable with those sensitive things like cigarette and alcohol though I have tried my best to adapt.
Anyhow, I won't see Farhan in school anymore brcause he will join army in three weeks, I will miss him.

Swam with Shuan at Jujong East yesterday.
I have to say that I am a such lame swimmer though I like swimming and started to learn how to swim when I was a kid.
Then we went to eat Steamboat with Sherman, Yewjinn, Caiqi, Zhengchuan, Jielin and Wilfred.
It was the same time, same place. I still remember the last time we came here, the last time I came across the one, the only one I was afraid of, Singapore is really small, haha!
but there were not too many people there yesterday and I was such hungry like a wild dog.
We went to bugis to stroll after that and drank coffee in Starbucks - the coffee in Starbucks is such nice and its price is also such nice!
I know the time I have to stay with friends of TN0406 is less and less.

I went to school today. Sherman, Yewjinn, Shaun and Wilfred also came to school. It surprised me that there were so many people in school today.
We were sitting in library till the person asked us to leave, then we went to Jubarong for dinner.
Burger King, Ya Kun, You Tiao, they are the things we ate for dinner though I never felt hungry at the beginning.
I also never felt hungry in past one week. Eating has been a habit to fill the void. I would be a pig soon.
I saw a guy in school in the whole afternoon today, I knew immediately he was the one and all when I saw him. It was the first time I saw him from front and I still remembered the last time I saw him impressively. It's pretty interesting.

There were only 3 things I did in library in the whole day: listening music, read 3 pages of "the catcher in the rye", play CS!
I understood I was wasting time - there are so many things I want to do and learn but I cannot stop wasting time, I alway play so much and cannot concentre on the thing I should do. This is why I am irritated about myself.
I am going to go school alone to study tomorrow, but it's really not a good news that Wilfred just told me he would also go school tomorrow, hehe.

"Study is a lonely process", I believe this words.
I also believe that "all the personal effort can gain double return and praise in future".